Some Days

Some days...
I just want to run away.  Today is one of those days.  I'm tired.  So very tired.  Exhausted, actually. 

Some days...
I love everything there is about being a mother:  the hugs, the 'I love you's, the fixing dinner, cleaning the house, providing for my family, being the one to sign the line on the permission slips that are marked, 'Parent Signature', the clean clothes sitting on the table waiting to be folded and tucked away in their given spots, the conversations where my kids confide in me and ask for my advice, and all the other 'stuff' that comes with being a mom.

But some days...
I wish I weren't the mom.  With no one to report to and no one to report to me.  No one else to worry about, but myself. 

Luckily there are more of the days I love being a mother than the ones where I don't. 

Some days...
I can feel the Spirit (the Holy Ghost) so strongly that it feels like he is sitting right beside me.  He is so close I know that if I were to speak directly to him, he would speak directly back to me.  I feel his presence so strongly, the only way I can express myself is through uninvited tears that well up and overflow as I choke out a single word. 

But some days...
He is so far away.  I can barely feel him.  I am numb to feeling.   I know He is there, but he is distant and ever so quiet.  I feel as though he has abandoned me.  But then I realize it is not He who has abandoned me, but it is I who have shut him out.  I have closed the door on him.  But He is there, right outside the door.  Waiting.  Ever so patiently.  Waiting for me to open the door and invite him back in.  And when I do invite him back in, he wraps his comforting warmth around me once again.  We are old friends and we pick up where we left off.  And I love him. 

Some days...
Life is hard.  So very hard.  Sometimes I wish to fast forward to my twilight days so that I don't have to go through any more hard things.  I secretly wish for the Second Coming to arrive so that I don't have to read any more bad things in the news or to know that people half way around the world are needlessly starving to death because wicked people in power won't allow food or aide to reach them.   I don't want anyone to suffer.   I want all children to be safe.  I want abuse to be nonexistent.  I don't want to get sick or be in pain anymore.  And I just want to cry until I feel better and hope that all of the hard things in my life will disappear and that all of the hard things in everyone else's life will too..  I wish for the Second Coming because I know that this telestial earth we live in now will be changed and upgraded to a terrestrial one.  It won't solve everything, but it will solve a lot.  Jesus Christ will personally reign upon the earth and He will not allow these injustices to occur.  People won't suffer the way they do now.  There will be peace... for a thousand years.  I wish for that now, but I know the time is not yet.  But it is coming and I'm anxious for its arrival. 

But until then...
on some days...
it's much simpler than all of that -
like today -
I just want to take a nap, in a clean house, with happy kids, and have a nice hot dinner to wake up to.
Is that too much to ask for?
Today?
Yes.  It's too much to ask for... because I didn't get it.
Maybe I'll get it tomorrow.