|Taken this morning by my good friend.|
All over the map...
varying degrees from one day to the next!
I trip and fall all over myself.
Writer's block plagues me.
I'm in the abyss of tomorrow.
I find myself here at least every few months -
usually with the pending change of the seasons.
I yearn to be in a different stage of life
because I'm tired of this one.
Not all of it, just parts of it.
It annoys me.
I'm tired of working,
having a dirty house all the time,
always being a day late and a dollar short,
finding little time to pursue those things that are of interest to me.
I want to be selfish for a day or two.
But I know that selfishness is bad.
I want to wake up in the morning and sit on the porch swing and watch the sun rise.
I want to piece together some blocks and make a quilt,
then quilt it with small hand stitches myself,
taking days, weeks, or months to finish.
I want to read a new book every week.
I want to have an exercise routine that I actually have time for.
I want to make bread or cinnamon rolls to give away.
I want to learn something new.
I want to practice my viola again and join a local symphony in the town that is an hour west of here.
I want to get in my car and go visit my sisters whenever I feel like it - just because I miss their faces.
I want to learn how to write a book.
But I know that when I have those things,
I will be missing other things.
My kids will all be grown and I know that I will miss them.
I will be older and my body won't feel as good as it does now.
Am I the only one who feels this way?
Sometimes it feels that way because people rarely speak of it like this.
It makes me feel alone in my desires for something new... Something... Different.
I feel selfish.
This feeling will fade and I will get back on the horse.
I will recommit to be joyful for today again.
I always do...
but I have a need to express these thoughts. These feelings...
so that I can put them back on the shelf in their rightful place.
Waiting for the right time.
The time that is not now.
Because - it is today.
I WILL enjoy, embrace, soak up - TODAY.
For all too soon it will be gone and I will miss it.
I will try to patiently wait... for tomorrow.