Self-Reflection

It's been raining, raining, raining.  For several days now.  It was summer just a couple of days ago.  Now it seems that winter is on the fast track to get here.  The Weather Channel is forecasting snow and high temps in the mid-40's for Thursday.  It seems it's time to get the swamp cooler out of the window and winterize buildings and vehicles.  We'll go from sleeping with the windows open at night to building a fire in the stove in a matter of just two days.  Welcome to the mountains of Arizona. 

It's been a struggle to maintain peace in my home lately.  Contention abounds.  I've come to realize I'm just enduring life, not enjoying life.  I've been waiting for a change in circumstance that may or may not come.  I can't live my life this way anymore.  I'm wasting my days this way.  It's not productive and it's not healthy for me or my family. 

I've realized joy and happiness are recurring themes in my writing.  I often ask that I will have help to be happy in my prayers.  It is the greatest desire I have in life.  But I inwardly struggle in finding it sometimes.  I'm generally happy around people, but when I'm alone, I pick myself apart.  I know other women do this as well.  I hear it, read it, see it... every day.  The father of all lies wants us to hate ourselves... berate ourselves... see ourselves as unlovable, unwanted, worthless, ugly, not good enough.  He wants us to question our judgment.  He would have us believe we can find happiness somewhere outside our homes, families, and community.  He knows that if he destroys the woman, he destroys the family.  That's what he wants.  And I hate him for it. 

But I have control over him.  I know that I am a daughter of God.  I am a princess and He loves me.  He wants me to see myself the way He sees me...  He created me and I am precious to Him.  He wants me to love myself so that I can love others.  He wants me to be kind, loving, compassionate, feminine, nurturing.  Womanhood is a blessing.  We should embrace and cultivate the divine attributes that only women have.  These attributes are not to be squashed, thwarted, or demeaned.  They are to be nurtured and protected. 

It's important for me to work on my spiritual health so that I have the strength to handle my trials and struggles. I've neglected this aspect of my life recently and the effects are glaringly obvious. If I want to be happy, I have to feed my spirit. It really is as simple as that.  I've paid closer attention to my habits the last few days.  My husband and I have worked out a plan to help each other improve our spiritual health - not just as individuals, but as a couple as well.  I can already feel and see the difference.  I've known what I've needed to change for some time now, but I've been rebellious.  I haven't found any joy in being rebellious - only sorrow.  Nothing good ever comes by rebelling against God.

In an effort to direct my efforts in a positive direction, I am going to post the top five desires I have for myself to give myself accountability and as a way to pinpoint where I need to focus my efforts for improving myself.   I may try to do this once a month or so.  I'll see how this first time goes - if it helps me or not.  I'll see... So here goes... 

1.  Feel closer to the Spirit by feeding my spiritual self daily.
2.  Be more patient with my children and husband.
3.  Recognize my own inner beauty.
4.  See the strengths in others and not be critical of choices I don't agree with.
5.  Bite my tongue and speak kinder words.