Living In The List

I can't keep up.  I'm over-committed.  I don't like to admit it, but I've found myself in that place again... living within my list... my "To Do" list that is.  I fluctuate in my ability to say no.  Lately, I've found myself weak in that department.  That's not a good thing because I basically give away control over my life when I do that.  Inevitably, my family are always the ones to pay the price... even more than myself.  It isn't fair to them and it makes me feel bad when I let it happen.  I accepted an extra assignment for today that I really shouldn't have agreed to.  I didn't have the time to prepare as I should have and it pushed me to my breaking point.  I got through it and it turned out fine, but a price was paid.  I should have said I couldn't do it, but I hate to say no when people need me.  It's REALLY hard and it takes practice and a conscious effort for me to do it.

That brings me back to my list.  Everyone has one whether they realize it or not.  I don't write things down, except at work.  I've tried writing things down, but I put the list in a binder or a on the kitchen counter or the fridge so I will remember it, but I put it there and then never think of it again.  I feel like having a written list burdens me with one more thing I have to keep track of.  So I don't write them unless I will be using them that same day.  If I can't check off the items on that list in that day, I don't want to even bother writing it.

This system used to work fine for me... when I was in my twenties.  But teenagers have slowly sucked my brain cells out of my head one at a time and I find myself with a lot less of them now than I had then.  There really should be a disorder named for that... something like TSBD: Teenager Sucked Brain Disorder.  I totally have that.

I say that because my ability to keep a mental list and remember half the phone book for everyone I've ever called on the telephone has slowly slipped away from me in the last couple of years.  It is very discouraging and frustrating to know that I'm getting old.  I actually had to have my daughter show me how to do something on my new touch screen smart phone a couple of weeks ago.  I swore that would never happen to me and now it has.  I've officially crossed over and I've become my parents.  {sigh}  I know it happens to all of us, but I really believed it wouldn't happen to me.  Getting old bites.  I don't like it one bit.

So I have several large projects on my To Do list that have to be attended to shortly.  I hope I survive the next six weeks.  It might just take a small miracle.  I hope my family survives me.  That is going to take a small miracle as well.  Now, if I could just find a doctor to help me with my TSBD.  I think life would be so much easier!