To Reap What We Sow

We will always reap what we sow.  Of this, I am most certain.  

Each and every day we are faced with choices.  The manner in which we choose says so much about who we are and our character.  As an observer of human behavior, I find it fascinating to watch.  At times I wish I could be an outside observer of my own behavior to determine the kind of person I am to others.  It is a dilemma I have often faced throughout my life.  It is much like trying to touch your elbow to your nose. It is an impossibility, but I still might desire to try.  I've often wished I could be the fly on the wall to see myself for who I am on the outside... not just to see myself from the inside looking out.  I wish to see myself the way others see me.  I can see.  I can try, but like my elbow, I can not make it happen.  Not in this lifetime anyways.

I often ponder on the words of Jesus Christ in the New Testament where He talks of the deaf who do not hear and the blind who will not see.  I see this so often around me.  It is frustrating and sorrowful to me.  I witness the things people do to others without thinking first of the consequences of those actions first.  I mourn for myself at my own selfishness and the hurts I cause others.  I have often thought of Nephi in his anguish as he spoke in 2 Nephi 4:15-35.  I understand this anguish as I have felt it before and it brings me to my knees again and again.  This human weakness called Selfishness and it's twin sister named Pride are always at the root of the behavior.  It is disheartening and painful and causes me great angst.  

The one thing that is true and will always be true is that our God is a just God.  Yes, He is merciful, but only within the bounds of eternal law that is set, that even He is bound by.  We are bound by the choices we knowingly and willfully make.  We will reap what we sow.

Sow kindness and you will receive kindness.

Sow mercy and you will receive mercy.

Sow generosity and you will be loved by many.

Sow selfishness and you will be loved by few.

Sow deceit and you will be deceived.

Sow love and you shall be loved.

Sow hate and you shall be hated.

It is plain and simple.  Black and white.  There is no gray area.  Eternal laws cannot be changed.  They are what they are.  There are no exceptions.  Once a seed has been planted, it cannot be changed into something else.  You cannot plant a watermelon seed and expect to harvest a pumpkin.  It is as impossible as touching your elbow to your nose.  Once the seed has been planted and begins to grow, the only way to change it into something else is to dig it up by the roots and destroy the plant.  You can then begin anew and plant a new seed. That is the only way.

I once knew a man who reaped kindness and generosity to everyone he met.  He always had a smile on his face and a kind word for each person he met each day.  He gave to the poor and the needy.  He was an honest man who owned his own business.  He was honest and ethical with his clients.  His clients were loyal and trusted his advice.  One day, he died unexpectedly from a heart attack at a young age.  His death was mourned by people all over the world.  His funeral had over 1,800 people in attendance.  He reaped what he sowed.  

I once knew another man who sat in his house every day, alone.  He decided he had done enough for other people in his life and that he deserved to not have to serve others anymore, that it was their turn to serve him.  He was bitter and held onto grudges for conceived slights from the past.  He was always complaining and felt that people were out to get him.  He had plenty of money, but refused to spend any of it.  He let it sit in the bank to collect interest.  He didn't see the need to use a small portion of his money to help others in need.  When he died, there were only a few handfuls of people at the funeral and most of those people in attendance were his children and grandchildren.  He died with all of his money still in the bank.  His children never came to visit him, but he never went to visit them either.  He died alone because his selfishness drove people away.  He reaped what he sowed.

This life is too short to be unhappy.  This life is too short to be selfish.  The way we treat others now will be the way others treat us now and in the future.  I want my children and grandchildren to be kind to me when I can no longer take care of myself so I teach them by serving my grandmothers.  I want others to be honest with me so I try to be honest with them.  I try to treat others the way I would like to be treated.  I am far from perfect and I am not always liked or accepted, but that is okay.  I can't change others, but I can change myself.  I can reflect on my choices each day and if I find a bad seed that I have planted I can root it up and destroy it as soon as I find it.  I recognize that I cannot be perfect in this life, but I can be mindful of the seeds I plant in my garden and hopefully, when I reach the end of my life, I will have cultivated a garden filled mostly with beautiful flowers and produce and very few weeds.  That is the goal I am aiming for.  So...what kind of garden are you planting and growing?  Will you be happy with what you sow?

The Christmas I Will Never Forget

When I was a kid, Christmas' were generally modest in comparison to many of my friends.  Mom is a seamstress and made extra money by sewing for other people.  She loves to sew.  We always knew we would get a new Christmas dress to wear to church as well as a new flannel nightgown, made by mom.  We always got an orange, a small bag of nuts, and a small bag of hard ribbon candy in our stockings.  Those things could be counted on every year.  Then each of my four sisters and I would get one or two other gifts besides these.  One year I got a new "boom box" (it was the 80's).  It was about 20 inches wide by 15 inches tall by 3 or 4 inches thick and played one cassette tape and the radio.  I loved that thing.  

Then we would load up, or walk through the pasture, and head over to Grandma's house.  There we would find whatever cousins were in town along with another stocking of our own filled with more hard ribbon candy and nuts.  Grandma and Granddad always had a small tree that would be set up on a 4'x4' table/platform.  The platform would sit about a foot up off the floor and would be covered by fabric.  Around that foot tall edge Grandma would hang a stocking for each of her kids, their spouse, and one for each of the grandkids.  She would always hand make us a gift as well.  One year she crocheted a small round rug for each of her grandkids to keep on the side of our beds so we would have something soft and warm to kneel on when we said our prayers.  Another year she took round oatmeal containers and covered them with fabric and a drawstring at the top.  I used mine to keep my yarn and other sewing things in.

But there is one Christmas that especially stands out to me.  It is one I will never forget.

I was ten.  It had been a hard year for our family.  Earlier in the year my dad was seriously hurt when a tree fell on him, breaking his back.  He couldn't work.  Mom went to work to pay the bills, but her paycheck just barely did that.  Extra was not in our vocabulary that year.  There just wasn't enough money and we knew it.  We didn't expect Christmas to be very big.  We didn't even know if we would have a Christmas that year.  I knew my parents were worried about it.  They had five girls and no way to provide a Christmas.  We were told not to expect very much that year so we would be prepared.  I remember feeling sad about that, but I understood and was okay with it.

Christmas was fast approaching.  We were enjoying the month.  We attended our ward party and got to see Santa and get a treat.  We had parties at school and decorated the house for Christmas.  It felt like all of our other Christmas' and I was happy.  It wasn't unusual for there not to be presents under the tree before Christmas.  Mom never liked to put them out because my sister was the queen of peaking.  So the fact there were not presents under the tree a few days before Christmas didn't raise any alarms for us.

Then, one night close to Christmas, a knock came at our door.  There on the doorstep was a very large box.  It was FULL of presents.  I don't remember if there was anything else in the box, but I remember the box and the wrapped gifts inside.  We were so excited!  The box came in and the gifts were promptly placed under the tree.  I couldn't believe someone would do something like that!  Whoever it was had to be rich.  I just knew it.

Soon the day arrived.  Christmas morning was upon us.  My sister came and woke me up.  It was 4:00 am. 

"Come quick!  The living room is FULL of presents!", she said, shaking me awake.

I got up as quickly as I could.  It wasn't long before the other girls were up as well.  We rushed into the living room and sure enough, the room was overflowing with Christmas.  I couldn't believe it.  I couldn't understand it.  We had never had anything like this before.  And we weren't supposed to be getting Christmas this year!  There were so many gifts we couldn't even see the carpet on the floor.  The whole room was filled.

I remember the first things I saw.  A two-story Barbie dollhouse and five glass Snoopie money banks.  I am still not sure who the banks came from, but the dollhouse was lovingly made by my Grandpa.  It was made out of 1/4" plywood and was made like a puzzle.  We could take it apart so it would store flat.  It had four rooms - two downstairs and two upstairs.  

We ripped through that room like a tornado.  I had never been so happy in my whole life.  

After we had devoured the gifts in the room and discovered who's gifts were who's, we went to wake mom and dad up and tell them of our fortune.  I will never forget the disappointment on their faces when we told them we had found everything and pronounced that we had opened all of our gifts without them.  It still makes me cry to think about that part.  As a parent, your only joy in Christmas is the joy on your children's faces.  We had unknowingly and naively robbed them of that on a year that would never be duplicated again.  We expected pebbles and had been given the moon, and our parents missed the whole thing.  Sometimes I dream about this moment in time and wish I could go back and relive it and wake them up first.  Starting the very next year, we were not allowed to come out of our rooms until 6:00 am and Dad gave us to okay to come in, usually after a fire was going in the wood stove and the room was warmed up.  We understood why.

I still don't know where all of those gifts came from that year.  I do know there were many generous people who loved our family and went out of their way to provide for us that year.  I will never know who they are, but they will always have a place in my heart as the ones who saved Christmas for us.  

This year my daughter is experiencing that same joy with her young women's class at church.  They are giving a Christmas to a family in a similar situation as my family was in so long ago.  She volunteered to help serve for the elderly at our senior center a few days ago with a friend.  Santa was there.  She was so excited when she saw me after she came from there.  She asked Santa if he would visit this family tonight (Christmas Eve) to deliver their gifts.  He said yes.  My daughter was beaming and so excited to know how happy these kids will be when Santa knocks on their door tonight with gifts for them.  As a mother, I am grateful for the joy she feels as she experiences the joy of giving.  This is truly what Christmas is about.  It isn't about what we get, although, for children, it is.  But children deserve to be children.  As for the rest of us... Christmas is about the giving.  It's about remembering the greatest gift of all.  The gift our Savior Jesus Christ gave.  He gave His life so that we might live again.  For that, I am truly grateful.  For everyone out there who gives to brighten someone else's life, I am grateful.  For those who have touched my life and given so much to me, thank you.  

"...when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God." Mosiah 2: 17

I hope that this Christmas will be one of service and giving.  For that is truly where the joy of Christmas lies. Merry Christmas to all of my blog friends.  I wish each of you and your families peace and happiness this year.  May He (Jesus Christ) be the reason for this season.  Merry Christmas!

Depression

You can see it.

The break in the clouds.

The light and warmth are there -

Teasing and taunting you.

It's claustrophobic.

Dark, lonely, and thick - like a cocoon.

You pray for the layer of clouds to lift.

For relief.

The desire to emerge from the cocoon is there.

The shell is tough to break through.

You remain focused on the crack...

Inching, fighting, struggling to break free.

The war rages on.

One of will.

There is no end.

Only a reprieve.

The cycle goes on and on.

The clouds come and go.

Sometimes high and thin.

At times, thick and low.

The battles come at every turn.

Some with warning and some unknown.

There is no victor here.

Just victories.

When the the clouds are thick and low,

The cocoon is thick and tough.

Don't give up. Don't lose hope.

Just focus on the crack.

Living In The List

I can't keep up.  I'm over-committed.  I don't like to admit it, but I've found myself in that place again... living within my list... my "To Do" list that is.  I fluctuate in my ability to say no.  Lately, I've found myself weak in that department.  That's not a good thing because I basically give away control over my life when I do that.  Inevitably, my family are always the ones to pay the price... even more than myself.  It isn't fair to them and it makes me feel bad when I let it happen.  I accepted an extra assignment for today that I really shouldn't have agreed to.  I didn't have the time to prepare as I should have and it pushed me to my breaking point.  I got through it and it turned out fine, but a price was paid.  I should have said I couldn't do it, but I hate to say no when people need me.  It's REALLY hard and it takes practice and a conscious effort for me to do it.

That brings me back to my list.  Everyone has one whether they realize it or not.  I don't write things down, except at work.  I've tried writing things down, but I put the list in a binder or a on the kitchen counter or the fridge so I will remember it, but I put it there and then never think of it again.  I feel like having a written list burdens me with one more thing I have to keep track of.  So I don't write them unless I will be using them that same day.  If I can't check off the items on that list in that day, I don't want to even bother writing it.

This system used to work fine for me... when I was in my twenties.  But teenagers have slowly sucked my brain cells out of my head one at a time and I find myself with a lot less of them now than I had then.  There really should be a disorder named for that... something like TSBD: Teenager Sucked Brain Disorder.  I totally have that.

I say that because my ability to keep a mental list and remember half the phone book for everyone I've ever called on the telephone has slowly slipped away from me in the last couple of years.  It is very discouraging and frustrating to know that I'm getting old.  I actually had to have my daughter show me how to do something on my new touch screen smart phone a couple of weeks ago.  I swore that would never happen to me and now it has.  I've officially crossed over and I've become my parents.  {sigh}  I know it happens to all of us, but I really believed it wouldn't happen to me.  Getting old bites.  I don't like it one bit.

So I have several large projects on my To Do list that have to be attended to shortly.  I hope I survive the next six weeks.  It might just take a small miracle.  I hope my family survives me.  That is going to take a small miracle as well.  Now, if I could just find a doctor to help me with my TSBD.  I think life would be so much easier!

The Temple

As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I get asked quite often the question, "What do you people do in those temples of yours?", along with many others.  There are misconceptions and mysteries surrounding our temples because we don't speak of the specifics of what we do inside and only members of the church who hold recommends are allowed to go inside to perform the ordinances.  This causes many people to believe that what we do within the walls of our temples is secret.  Let me dispel that myth.  What we do in our temples is not secret.  What we do in our temples is sacred.  There is a difference.  Let me explain with an analogy.

Let me compare our temples to an operating room.  Let's say I need a heart operation.  I am not going to go to just any doctor or just any clinic or just any hospital.  I am going to find a surgeon who has been trained in the field of heart surgery.  I want to find a surgeon who has gained the necessary skills and knowledge to prepare himself to operate on my heart.  I want him to be prepared.  I also want his surgical team to be prepared.  I want to be saved.  I want to live, so I want the best.

Now the time comes for me to have my heart surgery.  Are they going to let just anyone into that operating room while my surgery is being performed?  No.  Only those who have been trained and prepared to assist in that procedure will be allowed in.  Performing heart surgery is no secret, but in order to perform that surgery, a person has to do certain things - go to college and be trained in the field of medicine and then pass certain tests to be sure the person performing those procedures is qualified to do so.  The same goes for the nurses and assisting surgeons also in the operating room.  Each one has been held accountable for their actions and proven they are qualified to be in that room.  Anyone can be a heart surgeon, but they have to meet those qualifications in order to be so.  It is much the same way for our temples.  

People often ask, "Why do Mormons build temples?"  To which we respond, "Throughout history, the Lord has commanded His people to build temples. Temples are literally houses of the Lord. They are holy places of worship where individuals make sacred promises with God."(1)  Temples have been on the earth since the time of Adam.  We read about them throughout the Old and New Testaments.  Our temples are built today for the same purposes in which they were built anciently.

Our temples are beautiful places.

Source

In Mark 16:16 Jesus spake, saying, "He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned." and in John 3: 5: "Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God."  Jesus Christ himself was even baptized by immersion as an example for us to follow.  

So this means that ALL of God's children, (that means everyone), needs to be baptized by the proper authority, even as Jesus was, in order to enter into the kingdom of God.  But what about all of the people who have lived on the earth and died without this saving ordinance?  Would our God really let all of those people perish without the hope of entering into His kingdom?  NO!  He is not only a just God, but a merciful God as well.  So we perform baptisms in our temples for those who have died without this saving ordinance.  This is not a new doctrine.  It is spoken of in 1 Corinthians 15: 29: "Else what shall they do which are baptized for the dead, if the dead rise not at all?  why are they then baptized for the dead?"  This one verse tells us baptisms for the dead were also performed in the temples in Jesus' day.  Paul also uses this reference as a way to explain that because of Jesus Christ's Atonement, baptism is necessary.  Without that Atonement, all of God's children would not have the blessing of resurrection, therefore not needing baptism. But since there was an Atonement, all men will be resurrected in the flesh and therefore saved physically.  Baptism is our first step towards spiritual salvation.

"In the temple we are taught, we make covenants, and we are promised blessings. We receive ordinances that enable us to live in the presence of God."  You can read more about these other ordinances HERE.  

The first time we go to the temple and complete these ordinances and make these covenants, we are making them for ourselves.  Each time after that we go through in proxy for a person who has died and complete these ordinances for them.  Each individual has the free agency to accept or reject these ordinances for themselves.  

So who can go into the temple and perform these ordinances?  Just as the heart surgeon who has earned his right to be in that operating room performing that operation, we have requirements we have to meet in order to enter the temple.  Before a temple is dedicated, anyone who would like to can go through the open house and see what it looks like inside.  You don't even have to be a member of our church.  So if there is a temple being built in your area, you can find out when the open house will be and go and see the inside.  It is so beautiful and worth the chance to see.  

But once a temple has been dedicated to the Lord as His sacred and holy house, only members of the church who hold recommends can go inside.  There are questions of worthiness asked in two separate interviews with a Bishop and a member of the Stake Presidency to determine if a person is worthy to enter.  We are not expected to be perfect, but there are certain requirements such as honesty, virtue, fidelity, and how we treat our spouses and children that help determine whether we are worthy to enter the Lord's house and perform those sacred ordinances.  It isn't a secret, but because of the sacred nature of the covenants and ordinances performed, certain requirements are necessary.  So any person meeting these requirements can go in.  

There is so much more you can learn about our temples if you are interested.  If you click HERE, you will be directed to a FAQ page that will give you even more information and there are pictures throughout the site, both for the insides of the temples as well as many of the temples around the globe.  You are also welcome to email me at my email address in the top left corner of my blog and I would be happy to answer any more questions any might have.

Love Yourself Today

You know how there are just some people you just want to be like?  

There's something about them that you are drawn to, but you just can't figure out what it is? 

There are people like that in my life.  They criss-cross my path from time to time and I find myself mesmerized by them.  Sometimes it's just something about them that I can't quite put my finger on.  Other times it's a talent they have that I wished I could somehow inherit or learn, but it's a talent that I can't quite grasp.  It slips through my fingers no matter how hard I try.  It might be their intelligence or understanding I covet.  Sometimes it's their ability to simplify - something I desire greatly to be able to do.  There are other things, but it is late and I can't remember them right now.  :) 

I know we shouldn't covet abilities, talents, or personality traits that others have.  It is so damaging to our self esteem.  I know that.  But I have that human weakness and I falter from time to time in this area.  It's Christmastime.  I inevitably fall into that snare year after year when it is the season of joy.  {sigh} I'm pretty sure this is a normal part of womanhood that we all face from time to time.

Don't worry though.  I'll only let myself hang around this mood for a few more minutes.  I'll talk myself out of it by morning and begin a new day with the resolve to love myself... believe in myself... accept myself... for who I am... again... like I always do.  Because I am enough.  

P.S. - YOU are enough too.  Love yourself today because you are worth loving.

Tenderhearted

I've always been a little on the tenderhearted side.  I've written a little about it before.  Let's just say, my bucket of tears has been full to overflowing this week.  You could water the garden with them.  I've been tired, stressed, and overwhelmed by everyday life's responsibilities.  

I found myself reprimanded yesterday for an incorrect executive decision I had made earlier in the week.  I was embarrassed.  If I'm not too tired and feel good I can hold the tears off until I am safely away from the situation.  I was extremely tired yesterday and my emotions have been just beneath the surface all week so it only took about five minutes for the waterworks to begin.  I gave it my very best effort to hold them in, but I just couldn't do it.  I'm still embarrassed today.

But there is more to it.  Earlier in the week I was on the other end of the reprimand with my kids.  I yelled.  For about 15 minutes.  I said things that were not fair.  I acted like a mean and unforgiving parent.  I was wrong.  One of my children cried, just like I did yesterday.  I felt terrible as soon as I gained enough composure to recognize my poor parenting behavior.  Before my kids went to bed, I apologized and gave each one a hug and told them I loved them and that I was sorry.  But no matter what, I was still wrong.  My choice to be angry created a negative ripple in our household.  After yesterday, I felt even worse because I got a good dose of what I had dished out and had a good understanding as to how I had made my children feel.

This whole thing, me being on both ends of the spectrum only days apart, has caused me to reflect on the sensitivity of relationships.  I remember that I need to be kinder, gentler, and more understanding with people around me.  Sometimes I forget that I'm not the only one with feelings that might be tender.  Now don't get me wrong.  I'm not easily offended.  I work especially hard NOT to be offended.  It does happen occasionally, but I try with great effort to forgive sooner rather than later.  I'm not offended at the reprimand I received yesterday.  I just can't help crying when someone yells at me.  My mother tells me I was this way even at one year of age.  It must be how I'm hardwired I guess.  Thankfully, I have such a good husband who NEVER yells at me.  Never.  I am grateful for that blessing in my life.  

I don't know why I'm writing about this for everyone to know, but I feel like there is something to be learned through this experience.  Relationships can be strong and fragile all at the same time.  We are mortal beings with mortal weaknesses.  We are going to lose our tempers from time to time.  We are going to let our emotions rule us when we are too tired, weak, or stressed to rule them.  That's part of life and not one of us is perfect.  The important thing is that we learn to be quick to apologize when we are the offender and quick to forgive when we have been the offended.  For in the end, is there any one thing more important in this life than the relationships we foster?  No.  I don't believe so.  If you have been the one to have been hurt, I hope you can find the resolve to forgive, completely and unconditionally.  If you have been the one to cause the hurt, I hope you can find the courage to say I'm sorry.  This life is far too short and precious not to.