It's not good to be so busy that we can't ponder and reflect on the important things in our lives. I have been unable to concentrate due to the workload and the stress and it has been extremely hard on me. I feel like a piece of me has been neglected to the point of spiritual damage.
The emotional roller coaster from the past month has taken its toll and I've greatly missed the feeling I have when I am spiritually strong. It makes me wonder why so many people choose to cut themselves off from things spiritual. I feel disconnected, lonely, and even a little angry at times. I feel lost.
My daughter graduated from high school a few days ago. Her Baccalaureate ceremony was the Sunday before graduation. I had no idea how religiously apathetic my community has become. It made me sad. Only about a third of her graduating class even showed up. I could hear a man a few rows behind me partway through the talk by the Pastor. "He's been talking twenty minutes! How long is this going to go?" The man then proceeded to talk to his girlfriend the entire rest of the program.
My first thought was, "Really? Why are you being so rude?" But this is coming from a woman who goes to church for three hours every Sunday. Twenty minutes to me is just warming up. We don't have Pastors in the Mormon church and this man doesn't believe exactly the same as I, but he gave an excellent speech and I was grateful to have been there to listen to what he had to say. He gave some excellent words of wisdom for the kids graduating and I was glad my daughter could be there to hear it.
It's been a little over a week and I can't stop thinking about why the Baccalaureate was so poorly attended. When I graduated from high school the Baccalaureate was a big deal and the auditorium was always full. Now they are considering not having it at all in the future. Some of the neighboring communities have already stopped having it.
So it makes me wonder: Why are people turning their backs on God? Why are people turning their backs on Jesus Christ? Have we really become that cynical? Have we really become so ungrateful and apathetic as a society that we no longer feel the need to recognize deity? I just don't understand it. Even with the amount of stress I've been under and the feeling of spiritual disconnect I've felt due to the chaos in my life, I would never consider not going to church or praying and reading my scriptures daily. I can't function without that stabilizing power in my life.
I continue to see the levels of faith drop and the levels of fear rise. Crime goes up. Abuse gets worse. Children get neglected. The chaos swirls around us and we lose our civility. I know that I can't fix the problems of the world. I wish I could. I know we are here to choose whom we will serve. I know it is an individual choice and I can only choose for myself, but I won't stop trying. I am a lover of peace so I will never stop trying. I just wish more people wanted peace as much as I do.