I find myself in an uneasy place. For the first time in my life, I find myself having to defend my faith, my beliefs, my way of life. The onslaught is unending. Brutal at times. It is cruel and heartless. I honestly never expected to feel this way. I thought this kind of persecution ended over a hundred years ago. I was wrong.
The attacks hurt. Like daggers to the heart. I know these people aren't attacking ME, per se. But it's hard not to take it personally when I am lumped into a mass group characterized by a mixture of lies, half-truths, speculation, and suspicion.
I want to cry out to those mean, hateful people and say:
"I am not what you say I am! What you are saying about my faith is not true! I am not a blind follower. I am not an abused woman. I am not forced to believe what I believe. My religion is not a cult. I am a Christian because I have a testimony of Jesus Christ and His divine Atonement. I do not believe polygamy is okay. I donate at least 10% of my income because I have a testimony of the blessings that come into my life from doing so. Nobody forces me to give. I do so willingly and gratefully. I do not drink alcohol, coffee, tea, smoke, take illegal drugs, or anything else that is harmful to my body. I only have this one body and I am grateful for the admonition to keep it healthy.
I have a firm and abiding testimony that the Book of Mormon is another testament of Jesus Christ. It isn't here to replace the Bible, but to help prove the truthfulness of it. Each book compliments and testifies of the truths found in the other, that Jesus Christ is the Savior and Redeemer of the World.
I do not believe our church is racist because blacks were not able to hold the Priesthood before 1978. They could be baptized like anyone else, but I do not know why they were not allowed to hold the Priesthood. I have faith in God's timing though. I do not believe blacks are born cursed, evil, that they were not as valiant in the pre-existance, or any other such nonsense. I believe we are all God's children and he loves us all. I do not have the answers for all things and do not begin to think I can speak for God in any way. But I do find comfort in the doctrines that are taught in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
The people on this earth are not perfect. Not one of us. We make mistakes. We don't have all the answers. We interpret information in our own ways and understand things in our own timing. I have respect for all other beliefs - even Athiests. I will not tell you that you are crazy, brainwashed, or anything else. You have the right to believe what you believe just as much as I do. Please respect me because I respect you."
My feelings are tender. I feel abused - not by people of my faith, but by the society that I live in. My blinders have been forced off and I see just how cruel this world can be. It isn't fair... but I was always taught that life isn't fair. I can't change anything. Not even this little blog post will make a little dimple in the world, but I have to speak out. We... I... don't deserve to be treated this way. I just wish we could be a kinder world. It would be a nicer place if that were so. My heart hurts... and my hope for a better world is not as bright as it once was. And that makes me sad.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Friday, August 17, 2012
Civility and Politics
Oh man. I really hate election years. All the name calling, mud-slinging, and lies that takes place is enough to push me over the edge! He said, she said, they said... who even knows what the truth really is? The media is completely out of control and now we have social media and comment threads attached to every article out there. I don't even know who to believe anymore. I know the truth is out there somewhere, but it's like searching for a needle in a haystack to try to find it.
Why can't people just be who they say they are and do what they say they are gonna do? Seriously. How hard can it be? Have we lowered ourselves so much as a society that truth, honesty, justice, and fairness are becoming myths with each passing year?
It seems like politics bring out the monster in us and turn us into rabid animals. People are mean and vicious and no belief, person, or institution is safe from the onslaught of attacks. Nothing is off limits it seems. The contention is about to eat me alive and it makes me want to pack up my family and go hide in a cave until December. And believe me... if I could... I would.
I think what really bothers me the most though, is the extreme vocalness of the minority opinions. I don't have a problem with people who are in the minority expressing their views or opinions; heaven knows, I've been in the minority enough times to know what it feels like. I just wish they didn't have to do it in a way that is so abusive. There are ways to express an opinion that encourage discussion and compromise and then there are ways of expressing opinion that put everyone on the immediate defense. I can promise the second tactic never results in change that is positive for the group as a whole. Whenever a decision is made based on threats, abuse, bullying, or intimidation, the ultimate result will be resentment and anger. That's never the way to convert someone to a particular point of view. If anything, it just solidifies the original belief of the person you are trying to convert to your view and shuts off all hope for positive discussion.
I'm trying to be more understanding and listen to what the other person/group is saying before I jump to conclusions. I'm trying to be impartial and not let my personal feelings obtained by experience keep me blinded from hearing all sides before I make my choice. I want to be informed with facts and truth, not hearsay or opinion. I will do this, not just in the political arena, but in my community, congregation, parenting, and work environments as well. I will step back and take a moment to assess the situation and use logic and common sense to guide my choices.
Now - if I can just apply all of those things I would like to do, I'd be all set! I just wish everyone else would do the same thing. I could use a good dose of civility about now and this is a good way to get it, but we have to do it together. I guess I'll just have to start with me and hope for the best.
Monday, August 13, 2012
The Day I Got Engaged
Today is an anniversary of sorts for me. My husband asked me to marry him twenty years ago today. It wasn't a romantic proposal by any means, but I was ready and said yes with no hesitation whatsoever. He had just come from an annual interview with his Bishop in which the Bishop asked him if there was a girl in his life. To which he said yes. He was then asked if he loved her. To which he replied yes. The Bishop then asked him what was holding him back on getting married. To which he replied that there was nothing.
So we had our usual date afterward and ended up at his parent's house to watch a movie (he was home for the summer from college). He walked me out to my car so I could head home. There was some of the usual goodbye hugging and kissing and then out of nowhere... I hadn't seen it coming... "Well, the Bishop says I should get married. So do you want to get married?" And that was that. All I could think was, 'Finally!' After the realization of what he was asking me finally set in, I said yes.
I had dated him for seven months when I realized he was the one for me and that I didn't want anyone else. But I didn't tell him that. I didn't want to freak him out or anything so I sat back and waited for him to be ready. It took him four more months to figure out that I was the one he wanted too.
In today's society I would be considered crazy or stupid, considering I was only 18 1/2 years old when I became engaged to be married. People would say that it won't last and that we'd end up divorced in a few years. It's a good thing I don't care what society thinks.
It's been a good twenty years, full of ups and downs, but mostly ups. We've grown together and gotten through some pretty tough times. I am so grateful we got married young and had our kids young. We got married for the right reasons and not because we HAD to, but because we wanted to. We didn't wait until we were set in our careers or owned a house or had a nest egg in the bank to start having kids. We jumped right in with both feet and haven't looked back. Starting with nothing and working our way through together has made us a strong family. I'm so grateful we were young, poor, and naive together.
It helps that we had the same goals from the beginning. We both wanted the same things out of life. We were best friends right away and have always loved to spend time together. We are happy together and miss each other when we are apart. Even after twenty years, it is still that way. That is how it should be. A husband and wife should be best friends. You should need each other more than you need anyone else. Whenever I see couples who would rather spend time apart from each other than be together I have to wonder what is wrong in the marriage. That always makes me sad when I see that.
So often I see people put life, money, or other people ahead of their spouse. That is always such a huge mistake. I've come to understand that when we put our spouse first, our children will automatically follow close behind and life will be good. Working 80 hours per week isn't putting your family first, it's putting your bank account first. Putting your parents, siblings, or friends first will only cause your spouse to feel undervalued, unappreciated, and unloved. Putting your children above your spouse will cause resentment and will pull you apart. Put your spouse first and the children second. Someday your children will grow up and leave home and you will only have each other again. Letting the kids know there are limits and that mommy and daddy love each other shows them how to have healthy relationships when they become adults.
Putting ANYTHING above your family will only cause heartache in the end. The only person who should be above your spouse is God. And even then, it's not that you put God first, it's that you have a partnership with Him - a three way partnership - husband, wife, God. Counsel together as a couple and pray for guidance and inspiration in the decisions you make together. Following this pattern with strengthen and solidify your marriage. I know this from experience. I love my husband more than I can ever express in words. I know he feels the same way about me. I know this by the way he treats me. How grateful I am for this day twenty years ago. It was a day that forever changed my life for the better.
So we had our usual date afterward and ended up at his parent's house to watch a movie (he was home for the summer from college). He walked me out to my car so I could head home. There was some of the usual goodbye hugging and kissing and then out of nowhere... I hadn't seen it coming... "Well, the Bishop says I should get married. So do you want to get married?" And that was that. All I could think was, 'Finally!' After the realization of what he was asking me finally set in, I said yes.
I had dated him for seven months when I realized he was the one for me and that I didn't want anyone else. But I didn't tell him that. I didn't want to freak him out or anything so I sat back and waited for him to be ready. It took him four more months to figure out that I was the one he wanted too.
In today's society I would be considered crazy or stupid, considering I was only 18 1/2 years old when I became engaged to be married. People would say that it won't last and that we'd end up divorced in a few years. It's a good thing I don't care what society thinks.
It's been a good twenty years, full of ups and downs, but mostly ups. We've grown together and gotten through some pretty tough times. I am so grateful we got married young and had our kids young. We got married for the right reasons and not because we HAD to, but because we wanted to. We didn't wait until we were set in our careers or owned a house or had a nest egg in the bank to start having kids. We jumped right in with both feet and haven't looked back. Starting with nothing and working our way through together has made us a strong family. I'm so grateful we were young, poor, and naive together.
It helps that we had the same goals from the beginning. We both wanted the same things out of life. We were best friends right away and have always loved to spend time together. We are happy together and miss each other when we are apart. Even after twenty years, it is still that way. That is how it should be. A husband and wife should be best friends. You should need each other more than you need anyone else. Whenever I see couples who would rather spend time apart from each other than be together I have to wonder what is wrong in the marriage. That always makes me sad when I see that.
So often I see people put life, money, or other people ahead of their spouse. That is always such a huge mistake. I've come to understand that when we put our spouse first, our children will automatically follow close behind and life will be good. Working 80 hours per week isn't putting your family first, it's putting your bank account first. Putting your parents, siblings, or friends first will only cause your spouse to feel undervalued, unappreciated, and unloved. Putting your children above your spouse will cause resentment and will pull you apart. Put your spouse first and the children second. Someday your children will grow up and leave home and you will only have each other again. Letting the kids know there are limits and that mommy and daddy love each other shows them how to have healthy relationships when they become adults.
Putting ANYTHING above your family will only cause heartache in the end. The only person who should be above your spouse is God. And even then, it's not that you put God first, it's that you have a partnership with Him - a three way partnership - husband, wife, God. Counsel together as a couple and pray for guidance and inspiration in the decisions you make together. Following this pattern with strengthen and solidify your marriage. I know this from experience. I love my husband more than I can ever express in words. I know he feels the same way about me. I know this by the way he treats me. How grateful I am for this day twenty years ago. It was a day that forever changed my life for the better.
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